The Rites of Oblivion, Sanity, and Reality
by IcecubeSummer
Summary: This story goes along the HP books.This would be in the 7th book. Harry wakes up after killing Voldemort and can't remember anything in his past. Suicide attempt. Ron & Hermione are together and what's become of Draco? Harry has to get his memory back...
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Just the obvious… characters: not mine. None of it's mine. Well… except the story idea but nothing else. **

**(a/n) oh yea… read and review! This is important! It lets me know where I'm at and what to improve on. I hope you like the story. This is a work IN PROGRESS… so the plot will develop as it goes along. **

**WARNING: The rating will go up as the story goes along. There will be R-rated themes; suicide, romance, etc. If you're not into that than this probably isn't the story for you… enjoy!**

Prologue

Harry Potter sat up suddenly, looking around. He was confused... _Where am I? _

He was in a long white room with tall windows that allowed the sun to shine on all the beds that surrounded his own.

_Is this some sort of hospital?_

With a start, he realized there were people whom he didn't recognize at the far end of the room, talking in low whispers. They seemed to be waiting for something. Him, perhaps?

_I feel so strange._

He heard a baby cry out and the mother, a woman with long silvery blond hair, shushing it. The others looked his way to see if the cry had woken him. When they saw that he was sitting up, they rushed over excitedly, smiling and all talking at once.

"Oh Harry, we were so scared!" Squealed a red-haired girl as she threw herself on top of him in a tight embrace.

"Relax Ginny, you're gonna hurt him," Said a boy although he had a wide grin on his face. He was very tall with freckles and had the same red hair as the girl. His arm was around a brown-haired girl who was smiling through red rimmed eyes. She seemed to be unable to do anything except smile and shake her head.

"Oh don't be such a prick, Ron." Said the girl called Ginny, hugging Harry.

"Not that he's able to feel anything anyway, since I gave him a numbing brew," Stated a prim-looking woman in a white uniform. "However, Ms. Weasley, watch those bandages… we're trying to heal him, not make him worse."

Ginny got off of him with a sheepish smile on her face.

Harry slowly realized that his right arm and his legs were wrapped in tight, white strips of cloth, and his body was buzzing with a numbness that he had not noticed before. In fact, his brain seemed numb as well.

_What the hell is going on?_ He wanted to stand up and run around in circles screaming, but neither his body nor his mouth seemed to understand this.

"I can't believe it's over mate!" said another boy with red hair. He was standing next to a boy who could have been his twin; they were identical, with twin looks of mischief.

"Yeah, but we've all been here for ages, waiting for you to wake up!" said the other of the twins.

_What's over? _His head was starting to spin. Too many people… too much confusion.

"You did very well Harry," said a man who looked too young to have the gray hair that sat on his head. "I'm really proud of you. Your parents would have been very proud as well."

"What are you talking about Remus? We're _all_ proud of him. And who wouldn't be? You did what no one else could do, Harry. You're a hero." This was said by yet another redhead except this man had scars covering his young face. He hugged the silver-haired women and kissed her. "Fleur, Darren's going to grow up safe!" he nodded to the baby boy she was holding.

Fleur smiled and turned to Harry. "Eet eez all over now and beesides for Bill, 'Arry, you are my 'eero." And she stooped down to kiss his cheek.

The doors across the room opened and a man and two women walked in.

"Harry, dear, you're awake!" said an ecstatic looking woman with red hair. "See Arthur," she turned to the man walking next to her. "Our Harry can get through anything."

The man named Arthur nodded and beamed with pride. "Yes Molly, he's a stubborn one all right."

Harry was starting to get angry. He didn't like total strangers talking about him this way, especially in front of his face and he wanted to know _what the bloody hell was going on!_

The second woman who had just walked in, an old woman, started towards Harry but then paused. "I think I'd better go inform Dumbledore's portrait that you're awake," She smiled kindly. "I'll be back to discuss what you want to do for the remainder of you're seventh year."

"Okay Minerva, see you then," said Arthur.

The old woman started walking then turned around. "Madame Pomfrey, I know everyone wants to congratulate Mr. Potter but I really do think he should get some more rest." She frowned. "He doesn't look too well."

"Of course Professor." The lady in the white uniform said. And the old professor left with a wave. Madame Pomfrey turned to Harry. "She's right, you know. You don't look well at all. But that's not surprising as you've just come from the fight of the century just two days ago." She started to take his pulse.

_I was in a fight?_

She felt his head. "How do you feel?"

"…Erm…" _What was he supposed to say? That he has no idea what the fuck they're talking about? That he thinks they're insane? Am_ I_ insane?_ "Uh, I'm a little d-dizzy." This was completely true as his head was still spinning.

Harry was about to start asking questions when a goblet filled with a fizzing blue liquid was shoved under his nose.

"Drink up," Said Madame Pomfrey, "this will help you sleep."

"Just..."

"Harry come on, drink the potion, you'll feel better." Said the girl named Ginny.

"No, I need to…"

"You need to drink the potion Mr. Potter." Madame Pomfrey interrupted.

Harry couldn't take it anymore. "I'LL BLOODY DO WHAT I BLOODY WANT!" he roared.

His head was hurting but he didn't care. He knew that he had gotten into some sort of fight… that the fight had ended… something, and he had somehow gotten injured… _why couldn't he remember anything?_ But until he got some answers he didn't know what he was going to do. And how did he know that he could even trust these strange people? He didn't… and he wouldn't… at least not for now.

He looked around to see everyone staring at him, hurt and in shock. He looked down at the floor, ashamed. After all, he may not know these people but they obviously cared about him.

_Just because I can't remember anything doesn't mean I should be so offensive, I just want to know what's going on, I have to calm down… calm down…_

"Um, Harry?" the brown-haired girl approached him timidly, interrupting his thoughts. "A-are you all right?"

Harry thought for a moment, looked at her and took a deep breath. "It's just that… well, I'm really confused. I don't know what's going on and this is too much for me, it's so overwhelming."

Ginny let out a loud breath and spoke next, sounding relieved. "Of course, Harry, you must have mixed feelings about what happened. Killing him took a lot of courage and then when it turned out that Snape was on our side after all… we really can't blame you for feeling overwhelmed."

Blood started rushing to his head._ What was she talking about? Who was Snape? And… he, Harry, had KILLED someone!_

"NO! NO! You're not getting it! I mean that I have no idea what the hell you lot are all talking about! I mean that I don't know or remember anything besides the last few minutes I've been awake! I MEAN THAT I DON'T KNOW WHO THE BLOODY HELL YOU ALL ARE!" Harry finished, out of breath.

His voice had risen to the point of screaming and when he suddenly stopped, the silence was deafening.

"Harry," the brown-haired girl started talking again. "My name is Hermione. Do you remember me?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably and racked his brain, looking for any sign that he could remember her, but it seemed as though his memories were nonexistent. He shook his head slowly. "No."

She stared at him for a moment and then looked away, trying hard not to cry, while everyone stood there with their mouths open and their eyes wide.

Harry felt pain spasming through his body as he realized he wasn't numb anymore. Black was darkening the corners of his vision. And still they just stood there.

As he fell softly into sweet oblivion he thought he heard the far-off hooting of an owl.

**And that was the first chapter to what, I hope, will be many. **

**Just to let you know… this was Harry's confusing experience, so reflecting that, the chapter was supposed to be as if thrown at you in a messy jumble… next chapter is less hodgepodge...**

**(REVIEW!)**

**Next chapter will be posted on/the day after New Years…**

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**I hoped you're enjoying the story so far!**

**(REVIEW!) :…subliminal messages are proven to work…:**


	2. The Truth about Snape

**Disclaimer: Ah, to be J. K. Rowling (Because I would then own the characters and whatnot).**

**(a/n) Come on people… reading and NOT reviewing? What horrible cruelty! Even I wouldn't put you through that unbearable misery… knowing that people read your story (which in itself is a good thing, really) and didn't review (which is a bad thing, BAD!)… so… um… review? Please?**

**WARNING: The rating will go up as the story goes along. There will be R-rated themes; suicide, romance, etc. If you're not into that than this probably isn't the story for you… There are also SPOILERS (obviously, I mean, I am _sure_ I mentioned this is going along with the books and this would take place in the seventh book). So there are/will be references to previous happenings… enjoy!**

The Truth about Snape

"I don't understand it!" She sobbed.

"Hermione, it's all right," Ron was trying to comfort her, but he was just as baffled as she was.

They were in the Gryffindor common room by the fire place in their favourite chair. The two of them were being given a wide berth by the other Gryffindors seeing that Hermione was on Ron's lap crying into his shoulder.

She had been crying a lot in the past few days. First she had lost her mother to one of Voldemort's muggle-slaying sprees… and then her father had turned against her saying that it was all her fault, being a witch and all, and saying that Voldemort wouldn't have targeted them if she hadn't gotten caught up with the wrong people.

He had disowned her just four days ago.

And of course, something was wrong with Harry. They had just come back from the hospital wing after seeing him awake for the first time since he had killed Voldemort.

"Nobody knows why he can't remember us… please, don't stress over it. Everything will be all right," Ron's soothing words were pleading by now; He wanted only for his girlfriend to be happy, and he was dying inside knowing that he couldn't feel her pain, let alone heal it.

"Please Hermione." He lifted her face with his fingertips and gently brushed away her tears. He leaned forward and kissed her softly until she stopped sobbing and started kissing him back. After a moment, their lips broke apart and they just sat there in each others arms.

"I love you Ron." Hermione whispered.

"I know." He grinned.

She gave him a weak smile.

---------

Severus Snape was anxiously pacing his study.

He, Professor Mcgonagall, the Weasleys, and Rufus Scrimgeour had just finished meeting in the Headmistress's office. The Minister had owled that he was coming just as Potter, no, _Harry_ had passed out.

For nearly twenty years, Severus had had to hide his feelings and emotions from everyone, including himself. The second half of his life had been silently devoted to the destruction of the Dark Lord, and now that he was officially gone he could let his true self show.

Since he had to wear a mask for so long, he had become an extremely talented actor and was able to fool everyone into thinking he was on Voldemort's side.

But not enough to fool Dumbledore thank god. The old man had seen through the exterior that not even Voldemort could penetrate. And because of this, Severus was able to work for the light side without ever having to let his mask down and risk the Dark Lord finding out about his true allegiances. Voldemort had thought him to be a double-agent for the deatheaters and that Hogwarts' headmaster was just being thick, but Dumbledore was actually the one who was able to tell the truth.

In actuality, Severus Snape was perhaps the most valuable addition to the Order of the Phoenix… even though he had had to kill Dumbledore to keep the Order on top of the game. It was Dumbledore's wish that any sacrifice be made to take down Voldemort, and his own death just happened to be one of them.

When Dumbledore was on the astronomy tower, defenseless with no wand or strength and Draco cornering him, Severus Snape had been summoned.

He had been with the other teachers when it happened:

(Flashback)

_Severus… Severus… _There was a voice echoing inside his head, calling his name. That could only mean Dumbledore was trying to get his attention, wherever he was. No one else could get inside his head; He was too well protected.

_Albus… what's wrong? _He knew something bad was happening by the aura he was receiving.

_Remember what we talked about… I'm afraid it's time…we are at the astronomy tower… I'm stalling Draco… hurry… he has to keep his innocence… _Dumbledore was projecting his jumbled thoughts hurriedly …The_ Vow you made with Narcissa will enforce itself and you will either die by lack of action or live by carrying out Draco's task… Now, the chance is at hand…_

_But Dumbledore…_ Snape was getting alarmed at the thought of what he was sure to do within the next few minutes. After all he had to go through and perform in his life and all the horrors he had to endure, this would be the worst of all.

… _I can sense your hesitation… if you don't do it, and Draco surely won't, Voldemort will know for sure that you aren't who he thought you were and then everything we have worked for will be lost! Severus, I need you to do this last deed for me… it will further the impression that you're Voldemort's man, and whether by fate or my own irreversibly poisoned body, my death is inevitable for tonight as it is…_

…_As you w-wish… _He gave in as he realized there was no other way.

(End Flashback)

He stopped pacing. Tears were streaming down his cheeks at the memory… Dumbledore had been like a father to him. He had believed in him when no one else would. And until a few days ago, everyone had thought him an evil monster.

Granted, when he had been going to Hogwarts, it was hard for any of his peers to take a liking to the sullen, introverted, greasy-haired Slytherin.

He had gone through a hard childhood. His impoverished mother, Eileen Prince, had tied the knot with his rich, muggle father, Tobias Snape, in desperation, but she never really loved him as he loved her. Eventually, through some bad business, they lost all their money and become among the poorest of wizarding families.

She tried to take her little boy Severus and leave, but, since meeting Eileen, Tobias Snape had made a lot of close wizard friends. He blocked them and had one of his cronies, Ian Mintoff, put the _unitarsus inquemen_ spell on them which wouldn't allow them to leave his presence with the intention of departing permanently.

He started to beat her and Severus all the time as if punishing them for trying to leave him. It began to get so violent that he would sometimes knock them unconscious, or break their arms or legs which his mother would then repair. And even though she was next to powerless against him, Eileen would always try to stand up to his father, but this just resulted in more violence. His parents were always yelling and fighting.

Then he started going to Hogwarts. The years at boarding school provided a welcome relief from his broken home, and he submerged himself in his studies.

Severus Snape turned out to be among the brightest of his year, and the teachers loved him. But he was a little too interested in the Dark Arts. He would plow enthusiastically through any Dark magic books he could get his hands on.

The main reason he became so interested in the Dark Arts was to find curses he could fantasize about using… on his father. But once he ventured into the world of Dark magic he became addicted. It became his power and control… his drug.

He discovered how to manipulate people to get what he needed and how to persuade people to bring them to his way of thinking. He practiced Occlumency and soon became quite adept at controlling his thoughts and emotions in such a way that could prevent a legilimens from seeing into his mind. He himself was a skilled legilimens… it was a natural gift that he used to his advantage as often as he could. He didn't like it when people lied to him. He always made sure he was on top of things, and these skills helped him immensely.

One day in the summer before Severus' sixth year at Hogwarts, Tobias Snape and Ian Mintoff, their neighbor, died a mysterious death. They were found amidst spilled potion ingredients and a cauldron in the garden. Their heads had imploded, they were missing arms and legs, and no one knew why. Except for Severus… his father and Ian had tried to hit him and he'd had enough.

It was investigated for about a week. Then the uproar faded and no one paid anymore attention to it. Everyone thought Ian, a potions enthusiast, had been trying to show Tobias how to create some sort of multifarious potion and they had died in the attempt.

By the end of his sixth year, Severus had become close with a few of his fellow Slytherins and opted to stay with them during the summer. The parents of these students were very involved with the Dark Lord and they noticed that Severous was very into the Dark Arts. They took advantage of his interest and introduced him to even darker magic, dropping hints that he should meet the Dark Lord and become a deatheater. Voldemort was always on the lookout for new followers.

When he returned to Hogwarts for his final year he was completely immersed in the Dark Arts and everyone knew it. And besides for the incident with Black and the werewolf, people were scared of him and kept away, afraid of what he would do if he got angry at them or remembered their past transgressions against him.

Severus just took this situation in stride and used it to his advantage. In all his extra free time he would go to the Room of Requirement to practice jinxes, hexes, curses, and advanced magic. It was here where he did all his reading on Dark magic, practiced his occlumency, and where he learned how to perform the Unforgivable Curses. He tried these spells on animals provided by the room and was soon an expert. The feeling of power that came with the mastering of these spells only made him hunger for more, and so he sought out other ways, other spells to satiate this yearning.

He had always harboured a fondness for inventing new spells but he now started constructing darker and more powerful spells at any moment that he would have a brainwave, which happened quite often. During classes he could be seen scribbling away in the margins of his books, only barely paying attention to anyone or anything around him. How he retained his straight A's could only be supported by the correct assumption that Severus Snape was basically a genius and had no need to attend his classes other than that he was required to do so as a student.

After graduation, Severus and his buddies at last took the final step on the road to Dark wizardry.

They went to see Voldemort.

They all received the mark, but Severus, being extraordinarily talented in the skills held in so high esteem by the dark side, was especially welcomed by Lord Voldemort and quickly rose in the ranks of the deatheaters. He became a trusted advisee, leader, and a person of power within the organization.

Having to torture people bothered him a bit. Nevertheless, he enjoyed the power too much to question his morals.

After about a year-and-a-half, he was sent on a mission to kill the Quincys, a family of three; Mother, father, and son. That was all the information Severus had been given in his orders. That, and that Voldemort wanted them dead.

After disabling their security spells, he apparated into their home in the stillness of the night. He had set a muffling charm on himself, so his appearance made almost no noise; He went unnoticed as he crept up the stairs and into the parents' bedroom.

(Flashback)

Severus was standing over the two in the bed, feeling the slight chill he always got before doing something detrimental. He pulled out his wand and concentrated on the killing curse in his mind. This was a kind of meditation for him… building up the power first and then administering it. He knew that in order to perform the curse one has to really want the person dead… so he concentrated on how pleased his Lord would be with the job well done. This was his motivation… to please the Dark Lord. He always felt better with himself when his Lord was pleased.

_Come on Sev, the lord will be thrilled._ He was talking himself into action.

Through clenched teeth he whispered "Avada kedavra." There was a flash of green light and a rushing sound, and then Mr. Quincy's chest stopped moving. Mrs. Quincy stirred.

Severus' heart skipped a beat. He turned to her sleeping form.

_Just do it Sev. One down, two to go._

He took a deep breath. "Avada ked…"

"What are you doin' in here!" said a frightened, high pitched voice.

Severous spun around. There was a little boy in the doorway. "Petrificus totalus," Snape mumbled, and the boy fell to the floor with a thump, completely rigid.

He heard movement behind him.

_Damn it! _He thought.

From the little noise that had occurred, Elmira Quincy had woken up and was now holding her wand in one hand while nudging her husband with the other. She saw that Severus was armed.

"Expelli…" she began.

But Severus beat her to it. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" He roared. There was a repeat performance of the flash of green light and the rushing sound. Mrs. Quincy slumped on the bed, her wand falling to the floor with a clatter.

He then focused his attention on the little boy of six, maybe seven. "Finite," Severous murmured, and the boy stood up, shaking.

"Mummy!" he ran over to the bed, crying. "Daddy!" he shook his dead father. He was sobbing hysterically.

Severus started getting an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. A lump was forming in his throat.

_Snap out of it Sev! Kill the damn boy!_

Severus advanced on the youngster, his wand held out.

Little Adam Quincy saw him getting closer. "No! Please! Stop it… get away from me!"

_Just block out the sound. Come on… ignore his words… think about your master._

Still walking forward, Severus opened his mouth.

"Please… please don't… please… no, stop…" The boy pleaded in absolute terror, whispering frantically.

Severus' hand was shaking. "Avada…" he began.

"NO!"

"…Kedavra." and the boy dropped to the floor in the familiar flash of green light amid the familiar sound of death rushing in to claim him.

He left the room feeling sick, went down the stairs, and sat at the bottom, pondering about what had just happened.

_What have I done? What the fuck is wrong with me? I should feel so at ease right now, but I don't._

He stood up. _I just killed a child. An innocent, naïve, little boy! _

This was the first time he'd ever had to kill a whole family. He'd only used the killing curse on adults so far and he knew that some were decent people. Of course, the murdered were usually just irritants of the Lord. Either they were in the Lord's way or were trying to hunt him down… they could have done anything to bother the deatheaters. But a child… _that boy did nothing. I murdered him in cold blood!_

He realized his logic was a bit bungled when he figured murdering adults was acceptable in relation to murdering children. _What am I doing! I kill people! I murder for a hobby! I'm the fucking CAUSE of death!_

_No. _He started crying. _Oh god, help me! What am I going to do?_ He stood at the bottom of the stairs for a few more moments until he'd calmed down.

He walked out the door and almost forgot to place the Dark Mark above the house. "Morsmordre," he muttered softly, aiming his wand at a point just above the roof, and apparated back to the deatheater headquarters.

(End flashback)

After reporting to the Dark Lord on the success of the extermination of the Quincy household, the only time Severus ever used the killing curse was in self-defense. However, he continued on posing with the deatheaters, pretending to agree with their ways. His problem was that he couldn't secede from the organization without being killed and he couldn't try to stop them without being killed. So when he and other deatheaters were sent on a mission, he would let them have the "honour" of being the ones to kill the unfortunates for their Lord Voldemort. They were always more than happy to oblige. It made him sick.

The only thing he could do was pretend. He would do the usual. Protect his Lord, accompany the killers. Even in spying he seemed true to Voldemort when he told him of Sybill Trelawney's prophesy that he had overheard as he was leaving a job interview with Dumbledore. This interview was purely on the orders of Voldemort, but Severus was still glad for the opportunity, especially after three years as an "active" deatheater.

At this point he was trying to get the courage to tell someone, preferably Dumbledore, of his predicament. But he didn't know how he was going to be able to convince anyone of the truth. They would just think he was a spy sent from Voldemort.

After a few months of waiting, Severus couldn't handle it anymore and unbeknownst to Voldemort went to see Dumbledore.

Severus had shown him the mark and right away, the greatest wizard in the world understood. That was the first time they had used Severus' mind as a safe spot for discussion.

After telling Dumbledore the details, they spoke for a bit about his job, for he had been accepted, as a Hogwarts teacher. Dumbledore told him he would not be attending to the position of DADA teacher but rather Potions Master instead. When he saw that Severus was a bit let down by this, he told him it was because the DADA position was cursed.

He reported back to Voldemort that he had gotten the job. The Dark Lord couldn't have been more pleased, thinking that he now had infiltrated Hogwarts with a most trustworthy spy. He also couldn't have been more wrong since Severus Snape had turned spy against the Dark side under the request of Albus Dumbledore.

CRASH!

_What the bloody hell!_ He thought.

He could hear screams just outside his study. He went quickly to open the door and stood frozen in the doorway, staring at the bloody mess on the hallway floor.

**Yay! Another chapter has been written! It's for you Winter, and of course Goyou and Ro!**

**Review people!**


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